[ 'Bad experiences with one cute looking thing'? That gets an odd look for a moment, but Tidus doesn't linger on it, listening as Yondu speaks on. ]
Guess the kids aren't wrong then. I should upgrade to callin' you Blue Pops. [ Instead of boss. Heheh. It's certainly cute to hear about, and cute wasn't what Tidus was expecting to be going on here.
But there might be a reason for it, and that does have a question he's sorta wanted to ask. Though there's a pause, and... ]
Actually, I was wondering... You mind if I ask you something personal? About- well. Being dead.
[He's usually pretty chill about it, but mostly because he's spent so much of his life around people that were decidedly not chill that a well-meaning joking name doesn't get on his nerves much.]
[The words make him squint, though. Not suspiciously, just that sort of wary 'Oh hell' sort of look, the one that comes with reading more disaster in the news.]
Yeah. Sure.
You got someone you know with that problem?
[There's some gravelly sympathy in his voice. A lot of people here are dead.]
Er, well, I've known people like it. [ Like 'dead', but it's a funny (read: awkward) conversation to have, even if he's the one who put them here Still, even if he has to fumble his way through it: ]
But I guess I never really asked... you know, you're alive here - you think you can go back? That there's a chance? Why would you just die again if you went back?
[ It's come up before, that belief; and maybe it's about not getting one's hopes up, he wants to believe there's a chance. Why can't there be? ]
I died under real particular conditions. I was in space. Which means I had no oxygen, no coverin' besides my clothes, no heat. I froze an' suffocated at the same time. So I sure as shit hope I don't go back.
An' Ravagers, we got this uh... burial thing. We're disintegrated in our ship's engines. Become part of the stars after we die. So if I was respected? I ain't got a body now.
I don't reckon we can go back.
[He rubs the back of his head, though, wincing.]
I mean, but I was thinkin' about it, I ain't above seein' if a body can be cloned and retethered. I was considerin' that. Cause there ain't no rule sayin' a new body cain't be made somehow. I think we cain't go back, but I don't think those of us what died gotta stay dead. I'd be more resigned if it was just me, but I know a lot of the younger folk rely on this train to just exist.
[ Okay, his expression is less than great by the time Yondu explains 'I froze and suffocated at the same time'. That's a problem there, and the grimace he wears sticks along the way. ]
Aren't you in your own body though? Or- [ he breathes, the conversation complicated just by how little he's sure he knows, but- ] Cassie's mom, Sonya, she showed up beat up and needing a wheelchair. And people who should be dead - they have bodies too still, right? You're not a...Unsent, are you? A ghost? Spirit?
[ He moves his hands a little like juggling, and he is juggling between the different words that seem to mean the same thing. ]
Like, even if you should be dead or obliterated or nothing of you left, there is! ...We just don't know where you're gonna show up.
Yeah, Sonya and I have talked about that. [He felt bad for both her and Cassie, hearing about that. It's a challenge that Cassie hasn't faced yet.]
The doctors here can still heal us. They can test our DNA. The gods what can detect souls can find ours. So these are pretty damn convincin' replica bodies. Then you got the people who 'leave'. Who just vanish an' stop rememberin', then you see 'em walk off the train. Then suddenly the next thing they remember is a platform. Wherever they end up, they don't remember.
[He spreads his hands.]
There's a lotta this tetherin' stuff I need to find out.
[Just in case they find themselves in an emergency. He needs to figure out how they can safely get that 'out'. He doesn't count on everything running smoothly forever.]
[ What was tethering? He bites on the inside of his bottom lip, trying to remember. ]
I think tethering... well, the way it's supposed to be, there's the you where you are, then there's...a midway point? Then there's us in the void. So normally, there's three points? But that doesn't make sense if we're dead, right? I mean - there's a place on my world, but then, what about the people who have bodies? Or...why don't they show up as spirits when other spirits show up here, right?
[ So why wouldn't a guy like Yondu be a spirit if he showed up dead, when other ghosts show up that way? ]
I know we're not on the train when our names turn gold. [ He bends a finger with that point. ] So I guess that's, like... the train losing connection with us. And when we leave on the platforms... [ Here, his brow knits for a moment. ] You know, I've always wondered if that's really us, or just... a trick. It doesn't make sense, right? We disappear from the train, but then we come back on a platform?
Yeah, but then why would it even need to do that? Just showin' people walk off. To be honest I've always wondered if there's a bit of the train we cain't get to, one where we're kept."
[He frowns deeply at all the implications. There'd be no reason the train should give them some kind of peace of mind.]
I didn't wanna die. But I was ready for it an' I knew I'd lived a long life. [Not a good one. But a long one. He made it longer than some.] There's a bunch of y'all that are teens an' younger that ain't made it that long an' barely had a chance to do anything.
I think as a last ditch resort, very last ditch 'we're runnin' out of choices', we pull a Jack with y'all. Just save up all that makes ya you an' make you a new body. He ain't the best example, Ansem knows plenty about others.
[ It sits uncomfortably this conversation, the reminder of being too young, the frown on his face deepening. ]
Would that work? If people are in their own bodies- what are you doing? How do you put someone in a new one?
[ But that's what he immediately questions. He doesn't know anything about body switching process, or how something like that would work. Or even much about this Jack guy (except, that might be that annoying loudmouth that bugs the ICP at nights-). ]
[It always sits with him. Because of his karmic debt to the innocent lives taken, the ones he unknowingly contributed to. To his own messy history where not a damn person considered that maybe a kid shouldn't be owned. To his own guilt with how rough he had to be on Peter just to make him capable of dealing with his crew.]
[He always worries about which one of them are too damn young.]
I've seen whole species pass on like that back in my world, an' I know some people on the train got their own experiences with it. But I'd rather we just figure out a way to put a bead on our own bodies if they ain't back home.
[Because it seems like, if they're still here, their bodies should be too, right? Yondu always tries to keep a laundry list of options open. He's not much of one to commit when all situations call for fluid planning.]
Until we all figure that out, I got the vague idea of lookin' up some legal stuff. So if the train should ever get caught- [He taps the books he just picked up.] -either we can holler for help or keep 'em talkin' long enough to help ourselves.
[ He lets out a breath, not really sure of the future - but then, when has he ever with the train? But he does nod, small as it is. ]
We'll need some agreement with whoever we find. Tethered to the train means we need some way of getting tethered off. [ It was as good as being chained to it, as he understood it.
But there's a beat, a moment where he remembers- ] I think someone said... there's a chance we might be in the same place. In that link between? Or- something. I don't really get this stuff- [ he admits with his head shaking. ] --but our times, when we wake up and that, they should all be different. But we all follow the same time.
I could be wrong. [ Saying it out loud, it doesn't make much sense. ] Senku's the one who knows more. But... we should all find a way, to live the way we want to. You too - even if you were ready to die, why not take a chance when it's there? You with a voidcraft -- doesn't sound so bad, huh?
That's what I'm hopin'. Bein' that there's a planet that specializes in void treaties, an' there's a train specializin' in just savin' people, maybe appealin' to one of them an' really pointin' out the fact we'd die without either the train's help or their help will convince 'em to lend us a hand.
[Buying every second they could and every bit of help.]
[He considers mentioning part of what his plan is. Problem is he doesn't know if it's doable. He still has to talk to Hera, too. But he's not wrong. Being able to just keep going is the life he wanted. Roving where he wanted was his idea of home.]
I ain't plannin' on givin' up. Don't worry on that bit. Too stubborn to. I'm just sayin' I'm real aware of the differ'nce in havin' had a whole life to live an' someone else still needin' to go through the rest of it.
Well... lately, I think we've had a little more hope 'bout having a chance of getting somewhere with what's going on.
[ At least in having some outside contact, though not everyone is sure of Anan. He won't speak her name on the train though, or not here; knows that at least others are aware of her. But Yondu's got his own hope going too, and it's one Tidus can respect.
He hopes it works. He hopes something works that gives them a win from this situation. ]
You know? If people had a choice, and it didn't feel we were being used and being thrown a new car now and then to keep us distracted, I wouldn't mind this, being here. It'd be fun, getting to help people. And- [ he scoffs a laugh ] if we got off the train once in a while more.
I sure as shit reckon we could use some more stops. Damn thing keeps us cooped up too damn much. An' when we get off it's all stress. On the ship I had back home, the Eclector, I mean it was enclosed but it didn't feel so much 'cause-
[He gestures around at the car.]
This is all tiny cars' worth o' space. [He taps his fin.] The way my arrow works, is this kinda reads the area around me. I still gotta target myself, but I map out everythin' in a space. Even if someone was in a closed off area, I'd kinda get the shape of 'em. [Which is how he hits people inside of ships or in other rooms that he can't see. His eyes certainly help him, but the fin is crucial. And after the adventures in the caverns he's gotten much better about picking up details with it out of necessity.]
On the train? I just kinda feel the one car I'm in an' that feels real small whenever I turn it on. [He makes a disgruntled noise, unhappy at the oddly claustrophic feeling.] I don't use it all the time but it's still irritatin'.
[He doesn't comment on them having more hope of having a choice because he doesn't know what that choice would be. He just knows that he wants new places, he doesn't want to be owned, he wants better than what he had.]
[ He tilts his head, listening. He gets the idea, but it's odd too - nothing he would figure a person would want to use inside the train in the first place, which leads Tidus to ask: ]
Why would you use it on the train? Is it...better to look at stuff than your eyes?
[ Which is peculiar, the guy seems to be alright even with his fin...off, on? Actually, he wouldn't even know if he did have it on, would he? (???) ]
[He kind of quietly makes a face, setting his jaw like he doesn't want to admit something.]
I get bored an' just do shit with my arrow sometimes. Make it float around an' stuff. Or I use it to hold things up. Used it as an improvised tool a couple of times.
[And he likes to show off a little with it when he can, when people seem interested.]
So it's not so much me not lookin' with my eyes, it's that I just turn it on and-
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Guess the kids aren't wrong then. I should upgrade to callin' you Blue Pops. [ Instead of boss. Heheh. It's certainly cute to hear about, and cute wasn't what Tidus was expecting to be going on here.
But there might be a reason for it, and that does have a question he's sorta wanted to ask. Though there's a pause, and... ]
Actually, I was wondering... You mind if I ask you something personal? About- well. Being dead.
[ No way to avoid saying that. ]
no subject
[He's usually pretty chill about it, but mostly because he's spent so much of his life around people that were decidedly not chill that a well-meaning joking name doesn't get on his nerves much.]
[The words make him squint, though. Not suspiciously, just that sort of wary 'Oh hell' sort of look, the one that comes with reading more disaster in the news.]
Yeah. Sure.
You got someone you know with that problem?
[There's some gravelly sympathy in his voice. A lot of people here are dead.]
no subject
But I guess I never really asked... you know, you're alive here - you think you can go back? That there's a chance? Why would you just die again if you went back?
[ It's come up before, that belief; and maybe it's about not getting one's hopes up, he wants to believe there's a chance. Why can't there be? ]
no subject
[He trails off.]
I died under real particular conditions. I was in space. Which means I had no oxygen, no coverin' besides my clothes, no heat. I froze an' suffocated at the same time. So I sure as shit hope I don't go back.
An' Ravagers, we got this uh... burial thing. We're disintegrated in our ship's engines. Become part of the stars after we die. So if I was respected? I ain't got a body now.
I don't reckon we can go back.
[He rubs the back of his head, though, wincing.]
I mean, but I was thinkin' about it, I ain't above seein' if a body can be cloned and retethered. I was considerin' that. Cause there ain't no rule sayin' a new body cain't be made somehow. I think we cain't go back, but I don't think those of us what died gotta stay dead. I'd be more resigned if it was just me, but I know a lot of the younger folk rely on this train to just exist.
no subject
Aren't you in your own body though? Or- [ he breathes, the conversation complicated just by how little he's sure he knows, but- ] Cassie's mom, Sonya, she showed up beat up and needing a wheelchair. And people who should be dead - they have bodies too still, right? You're not a...Unsent, are you? A ghost? Spirit?
[ He moves his hands a little like juggling, and he is juggling between the different words that seem to mean the same thing. ]
Like, even if you should be dead or obliterated or nothing of you left, there is! ...We just don't know where you're gonna show up.
[ ...which is a problem, for Yondu. ]
no subject
The doctors here can still heal us. They can test our DNA. The gods what can detect souls can find ours. So these are pretty damn convincin' replica bodies. Then you got the people who 'leave'. Who just vanish an' stop rememberin', then you see 'em walk off the train. Then suddenly the next thing they remember is a platform. Wherever they end up, they don't remember.
[He spreads his hands.]
There's a lotta this tetherin' stuff I need to find out.
[Just in case they find themselves in an emergency. He needs to figure out how they can safely get that 'out'. He doesn't count on everything running smoothly forever.]
no subject
I think tethering... well, the way it's supposed to be, there's the you where you are, then there's...a midway point? Then there's us in the void. So normally, there's three points? But that doesn't make sense if we're dead, right? I mean - there's a place on my world, but then, what about the people who have bodies? Or...why don't they show up as spirits when other spirits show up here, right?
[ So why wouldn't a guy like Yondu be a spirit if he showed up dead, when other ghosts show up that way? ]
I know we're not on the train when our names turn gold. [ He bends a finger with that point. ] So I guess that's, like... the train losing connection with us. And when we leave on the platforms... [ Here, his brow knits for a moment. ] You know, I've always wondered if that's really us, or just... a trick. It doesn't make sense, right? We disappear from the train, but then we come back on a platform?
no subject
[He frowns deeply at all the implications. There'd be no reason the train should give them some kind of peace of mind.]
I didn't wanna die. But I was ready for it an' I knew I'd lived a long life. [Not a good one. But a long one. He made it longer than some.] There's a bunch of y'all that are teens an' younger that ain't made it that long an' barely had a chance to do anything.
I think as a last ditch resort, very last ditch 'we're runnin' out of choices', we pull a Jack with y'all. Just save up all that makes ya you an' make you a new body. He ain't the best example, Ansem knows plenty about others.
no subject
Would that work? If people are in their own bodies- what are you doing? How do you put someone in a new one?
[ But that's what he immediately questions. He doesn't know anything about body switching process, or how something like that would work. Or even much about this Jack guy (except, that might be that annoying loudmouth that bugs the ICP at nights-). ]
no subject
[He always worries about which one of them are too damn young.]
I've seen whole species pass on like that back in my world, an' I know some people on the train got their own experiences with it. But I'd rather we just figure out a way to put a bead on our own bodies if they ain't back home.
[Because it seems like, if they're still here, their bodies should be too, right? Yondu always tries to keep a laundry list of options open. He's not much of one to commit when all situations call for fluid planning.]
Until we all figure that out, I got the vague idea of lookin' up some legal stuff. So if the train should ever get caught- [He taps the books he just picked up.] -either we can holler for help or keep 'em talkin' long enough to help ourselves.
no subject
We'll need some agreement with whoever we find. Tethered to the train means we need some way of getting tethered off. [ It was as good as being chained to it, as he understood it.
But there's a beat, a moment where he remembers- ] I think someone said... there's a chance we might be in the same place. In that link between? Or- something. I don't really get this stuff- [ he admits with his head shaking. ] --but our times, when we wake up and that, they should all be different. But we all follow the same time.
I could be wrong. [ Saying it out loud, it doesn't make much sense. ] Senku's the one who knows more. But... we should all find a way, to live the way we want to. You too - even if you were ready to die, why not take a chance when it's there? You with a voidcraft -- doesn't sound so bad, huh?
no subject
[Buying every second they could and every bit of help.]
[He considers mentioning part of what his plan is. Problem is he doesn't know if it's doable. He still has to talk to Hera, too. But he's not wrong. Being able to just keep going is the life he wanted. Roving where he wanted was his idea of home.]
I ain't plannin' on givin' up. Don't worry on that bit. Too stubborn to. I'm just sayin' I'm real aware of the differ'nce in havin' had a whole life to live an' someone else still needin' to go through the rest of it.
no subject
[ At least in having some outside contact, though not everyone is sure of Anan. He won't speak her name on the train though, or not here; knows that at least others are aware of her. But Yondu's got his own hope going too, and it's one Tidus can respect.
He hopes it works. He hopes something works that gives them a win from this situation. ]
You know? If people had a choice, and it didn't feel we were being used and being thrown a new car now and then to keep us distracted, I wouldn't mind this, being here. It'd be fun, getting to help people. And- [ he scoffs a laugh ] if we got off the train once in a while more.
[ A beat. ]
Actually- a lot more.
no subject
[He gestures around at the car.]
This is all tiny cars' worth o' space. [He taps his fin.] The way my arrow works, is this kinda reads the area around me. I still gotta target myself, but I map out everythin' in a space. Even if someone was in a closed off area, I'd kinda get the shape of 'em. [Which is how he hits people inside of ships or in other rooms that he can't see. His eyes certainly help him, but the fin is crucial. And after the adventures in the caverns he's gotten much better about picking up details with it out of necessity.]
On the train? I just kinda feel the one car I'm in an' that feels real small whenever I turn it on. [He makes a disgruntled noise, unhappy at the oddly claustrophic feeling.] I don't use it all the time but it's still irritatin'.
[He doesn't comment on them having more hope of having a choice because he doesn't know what that choice would be. He just knows that he wants new places, he doesn't want to be owned, he wants better than what he had.]
no subject
Why would you use it on the train? Is it...better to look at stuff than your eyes?
[ Which is peculiar, the guy seems to be alright even with his fin...off, on? Actually, he wouldn't even know if he did have it on, would he? (???) ]
no subject
I get bored an' just do shit with my arrow sometimes. Make it float around an' stuff. Or I use it to hold things up. Used it as an improvised tool a couple of times.
[And he likes to show off a little with it when he can, when people seem interested.]
So it's not so much me not lookin' with my eyes, it's that I just turn it on and-
[He shrugs.]